I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
