if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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