I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
