I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
