I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
