I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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