Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
