i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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