I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
