I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
