ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
