so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
