I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she smelled like a LAN party
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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