she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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