I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
