My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
