she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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