I love black thongs
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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