My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
