you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
