Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
