hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
