O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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