so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
