I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
