seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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