i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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