I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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