my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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