don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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