How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
