Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
