Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
