they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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