We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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