My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Everything about him screamed your future.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I want her autograph on my taint
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
