Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
