there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
