I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
