Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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