so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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