i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
