He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Sober January is a disaster.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
