Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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