just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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