I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
look no pants
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
