normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
