I wannas sexs uuuuu
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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