last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You can't special order awesome
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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