just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
