Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
