I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
