Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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