I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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