I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
